When Your “Faith” Fails


This pic doesn’t just represent the joy of us having twins (and that’s pretty AMAZING) but it represents a faith battle. A battle that came to a head about 3am one morning in March when I woke up in what I can only describe as a spiritually induced panic attack. My heart was palpating, my stomach was sick and my mind was racing with so many worries. I could barely capture each thought. I felt fear and helplessness down to my very bones and I couldn’t control it.

I remember I was so scared I couldn’t even talk. The only thing I could do was scream out to God from my mind, “Please, help me God! Help me Jesus!”, over and over again. I yelled this about 3 times and then instantly everything stopped. I could still tell that this spiritual attack was hovering over me waiting to begin again, but it was as if God took His hand and lifted it for a moment.

Then He spoke to me, “Do you know why this is happening? Because you are on the fence about believing Me concerning all these things.” In that moment I realized I gave Satan room to launch this attack on me because I was not fully believing God for the different things He spoke to me. In hedging my emotions, expectations and actions, in case things didn’t work out, I surrendered part of my faith to the enemy. When you give the enemy a moment he’ll try to take your lifetime.

I knew the Lord was impressing on me to make a decision. Either I will believe Him for ALL He showed me, no matter how “ridiculous” and intimidating it seemed, or not. At the same time, I could sense that spirit waiting to get back on me. Whether it was out of Holy fear or weariness of “hedging” I couldn’t tell, and frankly I didn’t care.

I screamed with every pound of my being and ounce of faith, “Yes…Lord I will believe you!” I immediately felt that spirit that was waiting to get back on me dissipate. Then a word of the Lord came, “NOW”. I knew by my confession, my faith, and my decision that I just stepped into the “NOW” season that God spoke over me. By the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, I quoted Hebrew 11:1-2 and began to declare that NOW is the season of manifestation of the different things God spoke to me. It was like rapid fire. All the things from the big to the “little”, I began to echo all the declarations I heard. I don’t remember all the things I declared that night, but I do remember receiving each and every one from my spirit into my mind, body and soul.

Why am I sharing this with you?

Because I know there are healings, dreams, relationships, restorations and elevations that you are partly believing God for. He can’t move the way He wants or even the way you desire without your decision. There are some places you will not go if you don’t decide to believe God ALL the way. I encourage you today, right now, to make the decision to believe God for ALL of it. Watch how you’ll give birth to it!

Praying For You,

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Also, if you live in the New York Tri State area, I invite you to experience God with us at Life Church! Service is on Sundays at 3pm at 1387 East 96th Street, Brooklyn NY. I can’t wait to meet you!

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